From The City That Breads
Well that settles it, Bill’s Lighthouse Inn had its transfer of license approved the other day and new owner Marla Streb (the Strebinator, as I call her) will be occupying the space for South Baltimore’s second attempt at a Bicycle themed restaurant – hehehehe get it?
At any rate, seems like the establishment will now be named Cafe Velocity and will feature some sort of cycling theme, as the owner is a professional mountain biker and probably a triathlete and/or Parkour expert or something. Whether or not the joint will be bicycle themed “in name only” much like The Bicycle, the failed defunct wine bar / restaurant where Centro Tapas now resides, remains to be seen. Beyond that, the neighborhood where Bill’s sits is a bit rough around the edges, to the point where prior ownership often times had to bolt the doors shut to keep drunkards out. Yeesh. Beer Baron Steve Fogleman noted “She’s a tough woman. I mean really tough,” so it’ll be interesting to see how this whole thing flies – er, pedals.
And being that I am personally an expert on all things restaurant, here are my suggestions for the upcoming Cafe Velocity that will enhance the experience, the cycling ambiance, the essence of biking:
- When customers enter the restaurant, rather than having some sort of little bell or beeper to alert the staff there are customers, the door should set off a bike ringer, alternatively the full length version of Queen’s “Bicycle Race.”
- Everything on the menu must absolutely somehow work bicycles into the title. Perhaps a fried onion strips app called “Onion Spokes?” Or a burger called “the Lance Armstrong,” made with beef from a cow that survived cancer and later dumped its wife for a pop star?
- Replace all of the barstools with bike seats, really thin bike seats.
- Actually, replace all chairs and stools in the establishment with really thin bike seats.
- NEVER, EVER refer to Cafe Velocity as a “biker restaurant” or you may get some undesirable clientele.
- Servers should, on occasion, deliver plates of food to tables on unicycles. Or maybe tiny trick bikes.
- Absolutely, positively jury rig one or two bike helmets to function as Foam Domes for happy hour. You’ll thank me later!
Am I missing anything? Who’s got some other suggestions?
https://citythatbreeds.com/2011/03/say-hello-to-your-new-bicycle-themed-restaurant/oldId.20110324114628928